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Nobody Wants To Work Tho
04 | Divorce That Job And Begin Really Helping People: Carleen Dark-Bays | Restoring Hearts Academy
0:00
-46:41
04 | Divorce That Job And Begin Really Helping People: Carleen Dark-Bays | Restoring Hearts Academy

About

Carleen Dark-Bays realized life is too short after her job changed drastically and going through a divorce. She divorced her job and found love and support again then went straight into entrepreneurship by helping people through the realities and hardships of divorce through Restoring Hearts Academy.

Carleen Dark-Bays: Website - https://www.linkedin.com/in/carleendark/

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Show Notes

0:19
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0:42
Okay, all right. Today we have Carleen Dark-Bays. And my name is Elyse Robinson. I do nobody wants to work though podcast, and we can just jump right into it. We have a great switching story. Again Carlene dark. Go ahead and introduce yourself and what are you about?

1:03
Well, hello, and thank you for having me. So my name is Carleen, I am I made a massive career switch at the age of 54. I’m going to be 55 this year. So I have been in broadcasting and media for 30 years and loved it loved it, it wasn’t that there was any horror story that made me want to switch for me it was more about something brewing in my heart for like three years. And then you find that life kind of points you things that happen, point you in that direction, or point you away from where you are. And that’s kind of my story, I loved my job, I was top of my game. In a high leadership position as high as I could go in my local home market without going corporate and did a lot of good things had a lot of fun. It was a fun job. You know, when you’re running radio stations and digital marketing and running live events, that’s a lot of fun, you’re having a lot of fun, right. But there was, there was just a confluence of things that partially results of COVID You know, things that made the business and the industry and the expectations just a lot more stressful. And the older I get, and the more I realize how what a physical toll stress can take on you, it can age you tremendously, it can interfere with your relationships, it can, you know, give you wrinkles and gray hairs and stomach ulcers and, and things like that, that just let me know, it was time, it was just time to make a switch and move into my passion project. And, you know, I kind of had thought before it’s too late. But really, it’s never really too late, especially in today’s world, it’s not the same where you have to get out of school, go to college, get a job, work there for 50 years, get your gold watch and retire and live off your pension and Medicare and Social Security for the rest of your life. It’s a beautiful world we live in where you can create your own opportunities, there’s so much out there that you can do. So I decided it was time to do it while I was like I’m gonna get while the getting’s good, so to speak,

3:17
I would imagine in broadcasting is a lot of odd hours, or

3:22
it certainly can be and certainly for the On Air talent, it absolutely is. When you’re the manager, it’s a lot of long hours, just getting things done. There’s a lot, there’s a lot to be done. Besides, you’ve got clients that you’re dealing with, throughout the day as the leader of the organization you’re so very client facing even though you have a sales team, and then you’ve got your people that you got to take care of. And a lot of time is spent with them in the field answering questions coaching, one on one meetings, you know, helping with things and then there’s all the administrative stuff. And so, honestly, a lot of times the administrative stuff starts at 5pm when everybody else goes home. So there were a lot of 10pm exits from the building a lot. And you know, that’s not a sustainable pace, but I’m just that type of leader that I will stay until I get it done, or I can’t keep I can’t think straight anymore, and I’ll tackle the rest of us. And part of that’s on me but you know, that’s just not sustainable. For me.

4:30
Definitely. You mentioned about you know, the, the 50 years staying at one position and if you watch my very first video no, my second video I talked about myself and how I was auditor and I worked for the federal government. Everybody knows you get a pension. And my father was so upset with me when I left my job but I had a significant life event. That’s why I left but he was like you have a good job and I’m like, Well if I got one the first time I’m then you know, I’d be able to get one another time. That’s That’s how I see it. And like you’re saying things move very quickly, you know, things change. And, you know, my whole philosophy is if you can do it once you should be able to do it again, you should be able to replicate it. So next question is, what did you want to be when you grew up?

5:24
When I was little, I wanted to be a veterinarian, I love animals so much as a matter of fact, you might be able to hear one of my animals being very vocal, I must be getting an Amazon packaging. I love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up, because I could help all the animals. As we can see, I did not end up being the Federer I

5:46
want. That’s what I wanted to be to is to go to the library and check out these books and look at little animals and horses and stuff. And but being a weirdo.

5:59
Now that I’m a grown up, and I realized that sometimes part of being a veterinarian is having to put an animal down. Right, so glad I didn’t choose that path. Because I’ve been I’m too soft. I that would that would crush me. I wouldn’t be able to do but I can.

6:12
Yeah, no, that’s my sister. She’s in healthcare. And she she deals with all that stuff. And I don’t know how she does it. But But yeah,

6:22
we have people who are willing to do it. Right,

6:24
right, right, right. Right. Right. Um, let’s see, what was the catalyst that made you change your career? You kind of touched on it, you know, COVID? And a little bit, but what was it really what made you say, just, I’m gonna do this?

6:41
I would say it’s probably a confluence of, of circumstances. I think that difficulties in the job were coming my way that some of them didn’t make sense. And so I would, in my, in my talking with God, I would be like, This doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand. Like, are you trying to tell me something? Are you trying to? Is there something here? I need? Some always got that in the back of my mind? Like, why are some of these things that don’t, that don’t aren’t necessarily logical shouldn’t be happening? Why are they happening? And then, additionally, I got I got married, I been prior divorce, I found this most amazing man. And we got married in April. And he sees the stress that I’m under, he sees the hours that I’m putting in, and he’s like, you know, for for what do you make? That doesn’t make sense? Wait. It’s out of balance. It’s out of balance. And, and his concern for me? And, you know, he would say, Are you sure this is what you want to be doing? Are you sure it’s what you need to be doing? So I would, you know, vent the things that would happen to him? And I would say, Okay, now, this doesn’t make sense. But this is happening. Do you think God’s trying to tell me something? And he’s like, Yeah, maybe. So we were really paying attention to those signs. And I had shared with him, this, this passion that had been in my heart that I do believe God put in my heart about three years ago, that in any spare time I had, I would, I would work on it. My, my goal at the time was, let me put this together. And if I can launch it, then as a side hustle, then maybe at some point, Lord willing, or if this is, if I feel like God is telling me, this is the direction I’m supposed to go, then it will, at some point, replace my income, and then I can transition and retire from the media world and move into this full time, once it’s replaced my income. Well, that’s when I was still single, and not dating anyone. And then I start dating Brad, and there’s not as much time to work on it, you know, I would steal away moments, I would actually take camping weekends, where I’d get in an RV, and I’d go out to the lake all by myself, so that I would have some time to think and write and I would turn off my phone, there was no Wi Fi out there, which was a beautiful thing, because then I couldn’t check my email. And people had a harder time getting in touch with me. So it just he would, he would encourage that passion. And you know, if you if this is something you feel like you’re supposed to be doing, then do it. Like you have it my paycheck and don’t want to, you know, just say, Hey, we’re married. Now, this is all on you while I go chase this dream, and he encouraged me to. If that’s what you want, then we’ll we’ll figure out a way to make that work. And so all of these conversations happening, and then just interesting situations happening at work and some changes that happened at work that weren’t necessarily negative changes, but they weren’t positive for me, if that makes any sense. You know, again, it’s that all right now, some of this doesn’t make sense. And I think this is just God telling me telling me something and when I had determined that Okay, I think it is time for me to make a career change, then it’s just a matter of what timing makes sense. Then I felt that confirmation and it was like dominoes fell, and something would happen that who maybe, maybe I just, that’s what I want to hear, maybe that’s not and then something happen that would frustrate me so deeply or grieved me so deeply that I didn’t have the ability to affect it in a positive way. And that’s what I told my now former boss that I got into this job to help people, you know, with what what I what I was doing, we were entertaining and forming and growing people’s businesses and, and helping people with their American dream if they’re a local business, and I took the management job to help make this life work thing better for all the people that worked with us. Oh, sorry, my phone thinks that I was talking to her. So when you are in a position of leadership, that you’re supposed to be making the decisions executing and propelling the vision, and then you don’t have the ability to do that anymore. That’s kind of your title is still the same, but the role has changed to where you don’t have that ability. It’s like, this is not fun anymore. This is a beating. You know, and that’s, that’s a me problem. That’s just what, what I was in it for nothing negative against the organization, my bosses are amazing. That is the best company I’ve ever worked for my boss was, is a fantastic human and a great leader and a great boss, it just was very clear that it was time for me to leave to close that chapter, I had some highs, we have some big successes. And it was I spoke to my mentor about it. And he said, you know, this is your ultimate Mic drop. He said, This is the perfect time for you. You know, get out now while you can smile about it, be proud of what you’ve done. Knowing that you you, you did everything you could and you’ve got this other opportunity, take it while you can. And what I told my boss and, and my mentor and the head of the company when I gave them my resignation is look, I don’t want to be like Emmitt Smith who stayed in the NFL too long. I’m not going to play for the Cardinals, it’s time for me to retire. And and on a positive when we’re we all still love each other to death. And we all still have wonderful feelings. And I’m not, you know, a big stressful kind of a long answer. Sorry.

12:27
No, it’s perfectly fine. I mean, you touched on a lot. I mean, the last part, I mean, leaving before you, you know, where you say f8 And you’re upset and you’re mad, and you’re taking your feelings out on your family or you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That’s, I mean, that’s, that’s crazy. That’s crucial, right there, you know, because most people wait into that point. And then, you know, they start looking for other answers or, or, you know, a direction to go so, so yeah, I mean, you know, that’s, that’s crazy.

13:01
Well, I’m a true believer that we we get to choose we don’t always choose initially how something makes us feel but we choose the feelings that we nurture. And we choose what we decide to really do with that and becoming bitter becoming negative becoming dead disenchanted doesn’t, does it isn’t good for you, much less the people that you work with and the people who count on you. And so for me, it it was about I it is becoming more and more difficult for me to maintain this demeanor and this positive attitude. And so, let’s, let’s end on a good because that’s better for everybody. I don’t want to be that person that when when she’s gone. They say wow, she really went downhill, she must have just thrown up her hands and given up and you know, and not everybody has the luxury of being able to walk away the way I did. You know, I was setting myself up for it at some point, but it’s possible to leave while things are still good. I mean, that’s That’s maturity that’s sometimes it’s been in touch with let me exit Well, it was very important for me to exit well, for my reputation for the health of the organization, and the people there and myself and my family.

14:26
I’m trying to think I don’t think I’ve ever left a job on a good reputation. At the at the epic part, I was always at the epic part. And, you know, somebody mentioned to me the other day that my life is interesting. And I’m like, Well, I crafted my life this way. So when I get to the point of epic, you know, I have something to fall back on. Or, you know, I’m not at the point where I have to depend on someone else or something like that. So, so yeah, I totally understand it. and get you, you kind of touched on a little bit more, but what support did you have? You know, did you did your friends that you were crazy for leaving, you know, you’ve been doing this, you know most of your life and all this other kind of stuff? What was the feedback that you got when you left and decided to go do something else?

15:20
Yeah, wow, that it was a mixed bag. This is interesting. And I you think you kind of know, but you don’t know. And I’m, I’m very involved in my local community, I’ve served on several boards. Being in media, it’s a higher profile type of a of a industry in your local market in my with my title, I, I’m very involved in a lot of things. And so I know a lot of people in the community and there I was kind of known for what I did for living, you know, my career was kind of my identity. And for many, many years, I leaned into that. And I think to the point where that probably wasn’t healthy, but it is what it is I’m I’m kind of a workaholic. So that was my identity. I will say, you know, my husband, as we talked about was extremely supportive. I have a small group of women, a very close knit group, we get together on Wednesday nights at my house, and it’s a Bible study and prayer group. And they all knew that this was something that was on my heart and that it was brewing. They’ve known for three years that I’ve been working on this project on the side, they’ve all been very much in favor of, hey, when it’s time for you to jump, we’re in your corner, we’ve got you. So all of those people very supportive. My my boss, when I told her her first, her first thought was, excuse me, what, then when I told her, Hey, here’s, here’s why, here’s what I want to do. I need to shift from helping business to business to more individual humans. There’s just so much heartbreak in the world that divorce causes and I need to help those women. And so she was very supportive and totally understood. And everybody at my company, it was kind of that excuse me what? And then okay, that’s amazing what you’re gonna do in the community. I’ve gotten a lot of this. From what you’re doing what you’re doing why? How’s that gonna work? Exactly, you know, people, no one has said anything to my face that they think I’m crazy. I do feel like there are probably some people that their inner thought bubble, if I could have seen their thought bubble would have said, this woman is a nut job. What is she doing? But nobody has said that. To me. Everybody has been very supportive and kind. I think some people are probably like, Hmm, okay, we’ll see where this goes. But, you know, it’s been a mixed bag for sure.

17:52
Gotcha. stay muted, because I have a lot of background, please. Yeah, cuz I mean, I asked that question, because people thought I was insane when I said I was gonna go study Spanish and Mexico.

18:08
Wow, from you. Is that when you went from being an auditor to studying Spanish? Yeah, I

18:15
mean, like, I like I told you before, like my mother passed. And so you know, I quit my whole life in order to take care of my mother. And, you know, I didn’t have a job. So it was like, Okay, so where do I go from here? And so I ended up, you know, hey, well, I’m gonna go spend some time in another country. I’ve never been to another country before. And you know, I had gotten my passport, like, maybe four years before, like, I had this passport, but I never used it. And ended up I was like, you know, I’ll go spend 90 days or something and see how I feel about it. You know, I can always come back. And, you know, I think it was like, the month and a half mark, and I told my father, I’m not coming back. It was like wax. And so, you know, I asked that question, because, you know, people thought I was insane. They were like, What do you mean, you’re not coming back? Like, you don’t know anyone there you don’t speak the language. Like it’s a different culture. Like what the hell are you? What are you on about here knows. So? Um, so yeah, I mean, sometimes you have support, sometimes you don’t? And, you know, that’s where the strong separates from the weak. Are you going to continue at it because you don’t have support? Or are you going to, are you going to, you know, cave. So, so yeah, um, what was the process of switching careers? Like, how do you how did you reformat your resume? You know, how did you convince people to trust you and take you on and you know, all this other stuff that goes along with it? What was the process on that?

19:53
You know, I have not actually re done my resume. I because I’m, I am forming my own company. So I’m not necessarily I haven’t thought about that at some point, I will, because I need to update LinkedIn. And that’s kind of your, your, your virtual resume these days. So one thing that helps me with the transition, I believe is because I have run this market, it’s like running your own company, there’s corporate attached, but I had all my business units I, I managed the expenses, the revenue, the admin, so I know how to run a company. And that was such a gift to have learned over the last several years in this position, not just how to lead a team, because I’ve been in sales management before for many, many years. But this was really not just how to lead a team, but how to run a business soup to nuts, all the things from paying the bills to your licensing to equipment, and how the expenses work, and how the audits work, and how all the things work. So, so that was, that was helpful when I first thought, well, this is such a crazy transition, there’s nothing that is alike about what I’ve been doing and what I’m about to do. And my mentor actually said, you know how to run a company, now, you’re gonna be fine. I was like, Oh, thank you, I need you to hear that. So I will say just in the, in the making sure that I have a good plan. Instead of just holding my nose and jumping in the pool, I took some time to kind of de stress, get some things out of my head, and then it’s like, Alright, I’m going to form an LLC, what are the things I need to do, and then I’ve also paid for some courses and some, some consultants to help me set up the right way. Instead of just, I’m going to, you know, break a lot of glass. And I’m just going to try this and see if it works and throw this spaghetti up against the wall, and I’m going to fail fast. And I’m, I’m being methodical. And I know that when it’s such a new world, I bring in a fresh perspective. But there are those who have gone before me that I need to take some time and learn from so that I get that head start. And I’m not just charging in like a bull in a china shop. So that’s been really taking a minute to decompress. You know, it takes a long time when you work in a very high stress environment. And I’m sure you can relate to this working for the federal government. The cortisol, from all the stress doesn’t just leave your body the day you walk out of there, it takes it it probably took me I’m gonna say four to six weeks before this. Not that I constantly had in my chest east of stress of worry, is this going to be okay? Is this person going to be okay? Are we going to hit this goal? You know, am I going to have to cut this expense? What happens if there’s a recession and half of our advertisers cancel like they did at COVID? How am I going to handle that? How am I going to hang on to the people without having to lay anybody off? How am I going to do this? You know, what if we miss this mark, then how do I? How do I talk to my boss about that, you know, all of those things that you carry in, and I’ve got to hire some people, and it’s really hard to find good people, and I can’t pay them what they want to make. But I you know, it’s like finding that person that you can afford to pay that has your qualifications. Like this was the things that would keep me up at night. And it was this ball of stress, you know, and it probably took about six weeks before I woke up one day, and I am like, oh, I don’t feel that anymore. So I had the first week. So the first week that we after I resigned, we left and went to Hawaii and I had like work stress nightmares every single night who were in Hawaii, and some of them were absolutely bizarre. I would wake up and tell my husband, you’re not gonna believe what I just dreamed last night. You know, just crazy stuff. So the transition, I believe it’s important to give yourself some time so that you can transition well and feel like you have a good plan. And you you’re rested and refreshed and ready to be creative and take on the next challenge if you’re still exhausted from like being in a fight, you know, people they take, they take breaks during the rounds off for a reason. You got to have a minute to recharge your batteries and catch your breath so that you can come into the next one and be your best. So

24:44
gotcha, gotcha. You touched on a whole lot is a fellow entrepreneur. You know, I understand that all these things keep me up at night too. It’s like, you know, when you have the security of a job, it’s like you just wake up, get dressed and get in your car and and go to work or now you just roll over and turn the computer on, you know. But I want to circle back on the advisement part, and investing in your training and courses and things like that, because there’s not very many things that haven’t already been done before. You know, and so, my thing is investing in the courses, investing in yourself, you know, get a good group of people, if possible, you know, reach out to people, you know, just because one person says no, doesn’t mean that the next person won’t say no, you know, and my last one was with Christian Evans, we talked about closed mouths don’t get fed. And you can’t be scared, you know, scared money, don’t make money. Here, so having the confidence in order to put yourself out there and things like that. But, um, but yeah, definitely, you have to, you know, spend money, so you don’t waste money later. Because, you know, you might drop $500 on a course. And if you had dropped those $500 on that course, and went through it, you might not have the knowledge and now you wasted $5,000, you know, instead. So I’m a big proponent of reaching out to people asking questions, I believe there’s no dumb questions. And I also believe that you have to invest in yourself and you know, take it all in and read through things and do lots and lots of research before you make a decision. So good stuff. And outside of that, I’m resting. I mean, if you if you can, you know, like I said, I spent time in Mexico, that was my recipe period, a lot of times, you know, dealing with the death of my mother and then losing a job and you know, just life changes. That was my rest period. Yeah. No, I literally was on unemployment. And I was like, Well, you know, this should hold me over. And I went and rested. And then I got back into my entrepreneur chops. But, um, but yeah, you touched on a lot of good things. Um, let me see what, well, you kind of touched on this, you know, being an entrepreneur, but what are some of the positive and negative of your new career? What what kind of tips and tricks can you give to?

27:21
So the, the first and most obvious positive probably is you get to own your time schedule, right? That also can be a negative, because it’s so easy to get up. And she’s gonna give spindle extra time at the gym, or I need to vacuum the house. Let me throw a load of laundry and, you know, I need to run to the grocery store. And then it’s noon, and you’re like, oh my gosh, I frittered away half the day, what did I even do? One of my dearest friends just transitioned from being an attorney into being a judge. And so at some point, in 2022, she had to release her docket, when it became very apparent that she was going to win the election for that Tennessee. And so she, she kind of helped wrap up cases, but couldn’t take on anything new. And then at some point around the fourth quarter, I believe, she had to actually leave the firm in preparation for being a judge. And she told me, she said, You’re gonna wonder how you ever worked, your days are going to be full of tasks and things and, and you’re gonna wonder how you ever got your life done, when you had a job and work the hours that you did? And she was so right. You know, interestingly, all all the boards that I serve on, they’re still having meetings, I’m still going to meetings and serving on committees. And then when people when people know, oh, you’re not working at the company anymore, or that you’ll have time to help me with this project or this project. And yeah, so the, some of the cons are, people don’t understand the amount of time and attention and dedication needed to get a company off the ground, and they see Oh, good, you have more time now. And they, Oh, now that you’re not working for the company, you can help me with this project, that that I want to do, you can volunteer more you can tell me everything that you know, and, you know, give me all the contacts that your company was. So it’s, it’s it’s an interesting shift in how people I thought people would ask less of my time because what value do I bring if I’m, if I can’t do anything with you with my media properties, but quite the opposite, actually. But then back to the pros, I think, knowing that yes, my time is on me. I can say no to meetings. I can say yes to meetings I can. I can do the creative work when I’m the most creative I can get my productivity stuff done when I’m the most productive I get to to do Be in charge of that. I think also knowing that the the, the core beliefs that I have as far as people, and how an organization should be operated I get, I get to do that I don’t have someone else telling me this is how this is going to be handled. This is how we are going to approach this situation. It’s it’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time to know that I get to make all those decisions, and I’m sure they will all be great, but I’ll have the ability to pivot. And so, so far, the best parts of this are that I get to, I get to see my vision through because there’s no other I don’t have a boss or an organization structurally telling me how we need you to get from here to here. And we’re gonna tell you how to get there. If I know I want to get from here to here, I get to blaze that trail myself. That’s exciting to me

31:07
being an entrepreneur, I mean, you pretty much summed it up. I mean, I don’t even know what to add to that. It’s, it’s, it’s terrifying, but yet it’s exhilarating. At the same time. I will have to say it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done in my life. But But yeah, you said it. Um, what are some traits that you that you would think would make someone successful? Whether it’s, you know, what you’re trying to do specifically or being an entrepreneur, what what do you think are some good traits to have?

31:49
Resilience, resiliency? First of all, like you said, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, most likely. So you’ve got to be resilient. And I think that so often people that make a change, they hear a call, they feel that it’s time and they start moving in a direction. And as soon as they face opposition, they’re like, uh, maybe I wasn’t, you know, maybe I wasn’t supposed to do this. And they start that the self doubt creeps in. So I think you got to be resilient. I use this, this analogy, and I don’t know if you remember these, you’re way younger. And I don’t know if they had them. When you were a kid. Do you remember the little toys, they were called weebles. And they weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. And they had to also have those big clowns that were blow up that were weighted on the bottom, you could punch it, and it would come right back up. The entrepreneur has to be that you have to be able to pop that back up, when you get knocked down, because it’s going to happen, you’re going to face opposition, you’re going to fail. But if you think about it, the things in our lives that we are the most proud of that bring us the most joy and probably where we’ve had the most impact happened with opposition. When things are easy. We they don’t tend to be as impactful or as meaningful. And so resiliency, number one, I think there has to be a certain amount of confidence, but not hubris, there’s a huge difference between confidence and hubris. I think that you, you have to be able to kind of master the things that go on in your mind, I was just listening to a podcast, this has come up a couple of times this week with how leaders so often have that imposter syndrome and if it makes them become a people pleaser, or it makes them work that much harder that most people who are achievers high, high achievers have some sort of impostor syndrome. And that’s why they’re constantly pushing to earn the position that they have, I think you have to be able to, to get that in check. And to recognize it and go okay, none of us are ever truly good enough, because none of us are ever absolutely perfect. But I want to be smart about it. Let me keep that in check and maintain a certain level of, to me confidence means I know where my shortcomings are, I know where my strengths are. And I’m going to work to maximize those strengths and overcome those shortcomings and give myself the grace because I’m human. And I’m just going to keep moving forward in the face of fear in the face of insecurity in the face of uncertainty in the face of difficulty going to keep moving forward. To me that’s what confidence is. So I would say resiliency and competence are the two

34:47
big Gotcha. Now you touched on a lot that that pretty much sums up being an entrepreneur. I don’t know about the imposter syndrome, right? I want to say that I’ve never had it but You know, like you said, I play on my strengths, and I leave my weaknesses over there, you know, me, me and my friend, Christian, the last person that was on the last podcast, you know, he’s an entrepreneur too. And we go back and forth about delegating, you have to be able to give up what you don’t like what you can’t do and delegate. So I’m real good about delegation. And he’s not.

35:26
I’m not either if you have, like, give me your top pointers, or I’ve gotten better at it over the years, but I’m horrible.

35:36
It’s like, I guess you like you saying, you have to know where your weaknesses are, I do a lot of web development. And I don’t I call it coloring. Like, I can’t design like, I’m not a designer. So I’ll outsource all of that, you know, and I know what I want, I know what it you know, what I want my stuff to look like, outsource all of that. So that’s a big thing that I delegate, and outsource. And then social media stuff I don’t really care for either. So I’ll outsource a lot of that. But, um, that that plays on my weaknesses, though, as for, you know, the strengths and wanting to give things up? Um, I know because I haven’t I haven’t run into that, really, it’s more so of I don’t have time to do it. So I’ll give it to someone else to do. That’s, that’s really where the line is on the strength part.

36:31
Yeah, that’s great. Well, I know my I was raised with the mantra if it is to be, it’s up to me. And that really stuck with me. So much of my leadership at my previous company, I felt like the, the more I delegate, the more I’m taking people away from what they do. And I learned to choose certain things that I needed to delegate. But the difficulty for me was in wanting so badly to support my people and keep them free to move and do what they were hired to do that, I would, I would think, you know what, I’m not going to delegate that because then that slows them down. Or sometimes it’s a control thing. Sometimes it’s Listen, in the time it takes me to explain this, I could have just done it myself. And I’ll know it was done, right. Because there’s a little bit of a control freak there, as well. So I know where the sources of my weakness in delegation come from. And so I’m hoping that this reset, like right now, I have a staff of one, this one. And so I’m already setting up processes, I’m setting up a workflow, workflow boards, I’ve got monday.com, I’ve got my subscription to Monday, and I’m setting it up as if I have an assistant. And as if I have employees so that as I grow, and it’s time to bring people in, they’ve already got a workflow. And so it’s just going to be everything that’s this color, I’m changing from my name to yours. And I’m, I’m committed to forcing myself to taking the time, even if it feels like you don’t have it, if you take the time to teach it once, yes, it slows you down that day. But then I don’t have to do it again next week, and frees up more time exponentially because I’ve trained to this person, and they can do those things that don’t propel the mission. I’m the one that has to propel the mission. So, in theory, it sounds like I have my act together, we’ll see if I can do it. This is my hope that I can learn to delegate Well,

38:38
right. And I’ll also say like, I don’t have employees, I hired contractors. And so that was the other thing that we discussed is, you know, how do you find these people, and I told him, You know, I have like your thing, your processes, going back to my audit brain, you have to have your processes, right, you write it down, you know, whether you have to record a video or you know, add pictures to it, or whatever you need to do in order to get this process down. That’s, that’s one part of it. And then, you know, when you hire someone, hopefully you have the time and the ability to, you know, basically, I don’t want to say quiz them, but see what their their background is, their portfolio, and when my case would be a portfolio because I do you know, I don’t want to color and see what they’ve done and then hire them. One designer, I’ve been working with him since like, 2019, like, I steadily push work to him. So, you know, it’s, it’s, you know, once you find someone that’s good, you know, stick with it, you’re gonna get some rotten apples. I’ve definitely had rotten apples before, like I’ve had like maybe five over the years, you know, and that’s just part of being entrepreneurs is the cost of doing business, you know, so you have to factor that into when you’re playing your part. assesses your budget and everything else that goes along with it. I mean, it just happens. Just it’s no different than hiring a bad employee and having to fire them, you know. So the thing is, you have to trust your process. You have to trust. Sometimes it’s gonna work sometimes it doesn’t. That’s just life.

40:17
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that’s great advice. That is great advice.

40:21
Um, and then last question, what would you tell someone that wanted to career switching in general, you know, the fears, the doubts, the pros and the cons? Like, what what would you say as a last final statement,

40:35
I have always ascribed to the Benjamin Franklin method. When making a decision like that list out all the pros, like take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle, all the pros here, all columns here, first, and that’s not the whole story. You don’t just this list is longer so I mess it the pros are, are more than I go for it. If the cons are higher, I don’t I think then you prioritize you say what’s the most important to me? What is what is going to nourish my soul? What is my driving force? And And where am I seeing a theme of listen, if, if I’m just miserable at this job, and I’m willing to take a new one to get out of this one. But if that’s going to set me back, either, depending on what your core drivers are, either, if it’s going to set you back financially, or if it’s going to set back your career, or if it’s going to prevent you from being able to follow your dreams, you know, some companies sign noncompetes non disclosures, you know, you have to look at all those things and see is, is, is this, I’m taking a temporary or taking the change because I hate where I’m at, that’s horrible motivation to leave, or to do something else. It’s not a horrible motivation to leave, but a bad motivation to do something else. But then on the flip side of that, if, if staying here, for more money cost me my health, my quality of life, my relationships, my ability to to function, normally, you know, if this job is causing me to drink more every night than I would normally drink and binge potato chips and cheese at midnight, you know, maybe it’s worth taking a pay cut, to do something that’s going to nourish my soul that I’m that it’s going to help me develop better habits, or at least be better for my emotional state of mind. So that I’m not falling prey to my bad habits or, you know, there. Those are just a few examples, I think, definitely outweighing pros and cons and then putting those through the filter of what is my purpose? What do I feel like I’m here on this earth to accomplish? And my core beliefs and my core drivers, which which is going to ultimately get me where I want to go in life? Because because the the other the other cliche thing is, you know, at the end of your life, nobody’s going to say, Wow, she gave it 60 hours a week, high five to that girl. No, what do you want him to say? What do you want people to say at your funeral? What do you want your tombstone? How do you want to be remembered? And if sticking this out, because I’ve also stayed through really hard times at companies when I wanted out. But the good Lord, or the universe was putting blocks in my way. And I’m like, okay, apparently, I’m supposed to stay here. I’m glad I did. Because I got through tough times. And there was huge blessing and reward in that. So sometimes you’re called to stay through adversity. And sometimes you’re called to the next chapter. And it’s really about getting in touch with the pros and the cons and your ultimate destination in life and how you want to be remembered and which path is going to take you in that direction, if that makes sense.

43:46
No, definitely makes perfect sense. I don’t really have anything to add, but basically, you know, when I’ll say when everything just lines up, you know, is how you know. I’ll say when I moved to Mexico, like I didn’t have any issues, like everything just went so smoothly. And that’s how I knew that I was supposed to be here in this point of time. Like I was telling you, I’m born and raised in Sacramento, I seen street signs that said Sacramento is you know, and stuff like that. And it’s just like, oh my god, like, you know, what is this? So you know, the universe will work it’ll work for you. If you if you truly believe so. With all that said thank you Carlene for you know, being on my podcast, I reached out to you and I so appreciate your time. And being a guest and I hope your business you know, shoots off and you’re happy and not terrified being an entrepreneur. I know how that goes. And any any last final words, you know, give me a pitch on your business or anything like that. No. for you where people can find you

45:02
certainly thank you and it’s very nice to meet you as well and it’s been a joy and an honor to be asked to be on your podcast so thank you the the parent company is restoring Hearts Academy I am the the product is an online course it’s basically a guided but self paced journey toward true healing from divorce. I’m the title is still a working title. I’m back and forth with GoDaddy and what domains are available out there you know, are looking at restore restoration after divorce life after divorce, I wanted the divorce course that URL is taken. So the website is in process. So right now you can find me on LinkedIn and Facebook with more to come as soon as I get the URL and the course so the content is almost complete. And so now I’m in the building stage of getting the course materials formatted into the platform, getting the website built out and then hopefully the launch will come in the first quarter of 23

46:11
All right, you heard it first from Carlene Thank you for watching. Nobody wants to work though podcast. My name is Elyse Robinson and I hope to see you next time please subscribe